therapy for imposter syndrome & Self-worth

Is imposter syndrome even real?

While “imposter syndrome” has become more of a buzzword, you know the feeling all too well. You work really hard to put on the show for everyone, making sure it looks like you know what you’re doing even though on the inside your mind is spiraling with self-doubt. You feel like it’s only a matter of time until they find out you have no clue and aren’t equipped enough to handle this yet. 

You feel like your peers somehow have so much more knowledge, experience, and skill compared to you, even if on paper it’s all identically the same. You think that it’s just one more training, one more supervision meeting, one more draft that’s all you need to finally feel like a pro…but there’s always just one more after that, right? 

Many of my high-achieving professional clients feel this imposter syndrome. They feel like they’re never quite prepared “enough”, they feel exhausted and defeated sometimes with self-doubt and self-criticism, and they feel like something just “clicks” for their peers in a way that doesn’t for them. At the same time, they fear letting go of that self-critical voice means they’re settling into being sub-par in their careers and worry they’ll get stuck or squeezed out.

But wait, Can i feel imposter syndrome with other things?

Yes! While you may hear “imposter syndrome” and think of people’s work identities, my clients also feel imposter syndrome with their other identities:

Imposter Syndrome as a mom

You feel like all the other moms have it figured out. All the other moms know the best gifts to give to their kids’ teachers, how early to sign up for summer camp so they’re not waitlisted, and can remember all the names of their kids ’ friends’ moms. Meanwhile, you feel like all the other moms at the park are moments away from knowing you’re the only one who’s barely hanging on. You hear them talking about ideas or plans and think “omg, why couldn’t I think of that?!” You feel like all the other moms have somehow “leveled up” and feel like you’re on the level with first-time moms-to-be even though your kids are old enough to go to school now.

Imposter Syndrome as a friend

You feel like your friends are all only one disagreement or one missed “happy birthday” message away from dropping you. They all are so attentive to their friends, knowing the right thing to say or do in the moment, and coordinating the best plans. Meanwhile, you worry you’re taking too long to reply to a text, not contributing enough great ideas to plans for the next girls trip, or oversharing/not sharing enough at wine night. You feel like all your friends seem to have things figured out where they can carry on the friendships they want without having to make sacrifices, while you feel like you’re stretching yourself thin to make sure no one ever feels forgotten.

Imposter Syndrome as a partner/wife

You feel everyone else’s partner can perfectly balance work, friends, family, and love, all while maintaining a perfectly clean and organized home. You see post after post on social media of immaculately organized pantries, elaborately healthy homemade dinners, and romantic getaways full of non-stop picture-perfect moments. Meanwhile, you feel like you're scrambling to keep up with all the chores and responsibilities you have to keep your house running, and there’s little energy left for a romantic getaway, let alone a small, cute date night at home. You worry it’s only a matter of time before your partner or spouse notices your slacking and gets tired of waiting for you to figure it all out.

Imposter syndrome all comes down to the same idea, feel like you’re not doing something “good enough” or as good as everyone else appears to be, and that eventually others will find out. It comes down to self-worth, how you value yourself, your abilities, and your achievements.

It’s not just one more workshop, masterclass, or self-help book that is going to make that imposter syndrome voice go away.

How does therapy help imposter syndrome and improve self-worth?

Therapy for imposter syndrome and self-worth focuses on understanding the patterns in thoughts that fuel the beliefs you hold about yourself. You’ll explore what those beliefs currently are, what influenced them to be this way so far, and what you’d like them to look like moving forward. Then, you’ll learn strategies to shift your mindset to better align with those beliefs in a way that is self-encouraging rather than self-critical. In therapy, we’ll also work on building up self-compassion which is a more sustainable and effective approach than basic self-esteem boosting. While it may feel like others were able to “get there” by themselves, we don’t know what was happening behind the scenes, or what help they received along the way.

Will I ever feel FREE from this feeling?

Through therapy, you can learn the skills and strategies to shift away from those unhelpful thoughts that pull you in and keep you stuck in imposter syndrome. We don’t have the power to choose what thoughts come into our mind, but we can choose what we do with them once we recognize them, and choose how much or if we engage with them. While you may still notice some self-doubting thoughts pop up from time to time, you’ll notice that happens a lot less often. You’ll also notice that if/when it does happen, you’ll feel much more confident in your ability to shift back to more self-compassionate and self-encouraging self-talk more quickly.