therapy for OVERTHINKing & perfectionism
Does everyone overthink and overanalyze this much?
You spend hours before an event, family dinner, or even just sending an email thinking, planning, and problem-solving every possible what-if situation you can think of so you can feel as prepared as possible. Even if it all goes well, you still find yourself up all night rehashing every tiny interaction over and over, trying to think about what you could have said or done differently to make it better. It feels like hours are wasted thinking, and you wish you knew how to just turn your brain off for even just a minute.
You feel like you need to know everything before making decisions. You spend hours, weeks, and even months researching ideas or products before committing. You have 15 tabs open in your hunt to find the new “perfect” vacuum cleaner but need one more review before you think you can commit. You bookmark websites or social media posts about healthcare providers in your area, but have more questions than answers about how to know which one is the “right one” to pick!
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The overthinking almost feels so “normal” and automatic, that it feels hard to believe sometimes other people may not think quite as deeply or long about the same things you do. You worry if you don’t think about things as much as you do, something will go catastrophically wrong, and you’ll be the only one to blame.
At the same time, you’re exhausted with all the mind-racing that is a part of this. And you feel like you can’t just enjoy the moment like all your friends and family can. Even when you try to just be present and “stop to smell the roses”, your brain is running onto the next thing, pulling you right back out and distracting you with another problem that needs to be solved.
When does overthinking become perfectionism?
Most of my clients are overthinkers, with their brains constantly running with questions and what-ifs. Sometimes though the overthinking can cross over into perfectionism territory, it’s got to be perfect from the get-go without any room for error. Have you ever found yourself getting stuck in these traps:
Not knowing how to word an email or text, so not sending it at all
Worrying you won’t have enough time to finish a project all the way, so not getting started
Not knowing the most fun places to go and things to check out on vacation, so just going back to the same spots over and over (or not going on vacations at all)
Waiting to find “just the right” recipe with easy-to-follow steps and no room for error, so rarely trying new dishes and making the same things again and again
Watching videos and buying supplies to try new hobbies, but not ever getting started due to worries it won’t turn out like the tutorials on the first try
The perfectionist inside of you feels incredible anxiety and dread about even getting started with things sometimes, with an almost crippling fear that it won’t come out “right” or “perfect” on the first try. So you keep waiting until you feel more “ready”...even though sometimes it feels like that time will never come. It creates this illusion in our brains that things are like a light switch, either fully on or fully off. That’s it. In reality, everything can be more like a dimmer switch where something can be anywhere in between, and shift in slight directions each time.
For some of my clients, they notice perfectionism in their jobs when it comes to productivity measures or performance reviews. While logically they can tell themselves that “nobody gets a 5/5 on everything”, they feel overwhelming anxiety with anything that scored less than a 5. When they move from a new job where productivity isn’t measured the same and becomes more qualitative than quantitative, they struggle with feeling confident they’re meeting expectations.
For other clients, perfectionism pops up with family or friends and wanting to be the “perfect mom”, “perfect wife”, or “perfect friend” like what they see on social media. They feel like they’re running around doing everything for everyone else all the time, trying to make sure it all looks perfect on the outside. They know though if they don’t stop to take care of themselves soon, they’ll break down.
Some even notice perfectionism sneaking into their expectations of others. They feel frustrated when others around them at home or work don’t do things how they would, and always have that thought in their brain that it would just be “easier” if they did it themselves.
It is possible to slow your brain down.
You feel like you can’t catch break
Sometimes that overthinking or perfectionism pops up in super noticeable ways with work or household responsibilities. You might find yourself getting behind on things, procrastinating, or seeking reassurance or feedback from others. Sometimes though overthinking and perfectionism can sneak in more subtly. You may not notice it until you’ve been in the trenches of it for hours, or realize something has been sitting on your to-do list with minimal progress for a while. You just don’t know how to turn your brain off for a while and it’s exhausting!
Moving through the obstacles of overthinking and perfectionism
Through therapy, you’ll develop a deeper understanding of how your brain got to this space, and what keeps it stuck here sometimes. You’ll learn skills and strategies to shift away from these unhelpful thoughts and develop a toolbox full of more flexible ways of thinking that still allow you to be successful in the things you want to, while also bringing self-compassion into the mix.
Are you ready to be more present in your day to day life, and less distracted by the thoughts in your head?
To begin anxiety therapy today with Mindfully Balanced Therapy:
Fill out a contact form on our website or schedule a consult call with Kimberleigh.
Meet with Kimberleigh to share your goals and learn about how therapy with Mindfully Balanced Therapy works.
Start overcoming your anxiety and living the life you want!